What People Say About Us

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Some Gushing Words From Our BFFs:

Our Top Fans

Some Choice Wit From Comedians

Wanda Sykes

Damn Post*factua!ly. Those guys are talented and funny. Every great joke ever written came from them. And, I think they write all the fresh material for Fox News and Breitbart, They’re giants. I built my stand-up routine on their shoulders. Now, they’re short so I didn’t have to climb very far.

Wanda Sykes
- Los Angeles, CA

Samantha Bee

Post*factua!ly is taking my career to the next level. Their two-decade long Fox News experiment turned a backwater local news station into a global nightmare factory of relentless misinformation and 24/7 propaganda complete with boobs. It’s given me something to bitch about every day and a job for life.

Samantha Bee
- Toronto, Canada

Sasha Baron Cohen

If it hadn’t had been for Post*factua!ly’s prompt intervention I’d have become a dictator, somewhere in the Middle East or the US. Instead they helped me rise to mega-stardom by being a larger than life character, shaming others, making things up, being loud and obnoxious and having bad hair. Remind you of someone?

Sasha Baron Cohen
- Hammersmith, London,

Dave Chappelle

As a young comedian growing up on Comedy Central, Post*factua!ly taught me some valuable life lessons and cracked some good jokes as well. I learned that white people tell white lies. I learned that black lies matter. And, I learned that whites tell all the black lies as well.

Dave Chappelle
- Washington, D.C.

Ellen DeGeneres

Post*factua!ly taught me to be open to learn new lies, even if they contradict the lies you learned yesterday. So, lie as much as you can. Lie until you cry. It’s the most important thing you’ll do all day.

Ellen DeGeneres
- Burbank, CA

John Cleese

Dead parrots, silly walks, Hungarian phrasebooks, the Spanish Inquisition. They did it all. Post*factua!ly discovered satire and parody before The Pythons even existed. And, we even had the idea for the funniest joke in the world from their biggest lie on the planet.

John Cleese
- Stow-on-the-Wold, England

Ricky Gervais

Beliefs do not change facts. Facts, if one is rational, should change beliefs. I did say that. But those brilliant gits at Post*factua!ly showed me that fibs change facts, and that being rational is not nearly as much fun as being an opinionated bastard.

Ricky Gervais
- Leighton Buzzard, England

Stephen Colbert

Nation. One word. Truthiness. I have to fess up, the truth squad at Post*factua!ly coined the term “truthiness” back in 1973, when I was still in middle school. But since we are all entitled to our own facts I invented the word in 2010.

Stephen Colbert
- New York, NY

Jon Stewart

Put the ex-Soviet KGB, CIA, National Enquirer and Breitbart into a blender and set on high. The cluster***k result is Post*factua!ly, an Onion News for our current post-fact, post-truth, post-well-everything age. I plan to get a seat on their board, if they’ll let me visit their undisclosed location.

Jon Stewart
- New York, NY

Actors, Musicians and Entertainers Weigh In With Some Tweetable Phrases

Laurence Fishburn

The Matrix movie franchise taught me one thing: that lies are just as real a truth. They’re all simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain. Throughout human history, we have been dependent on lies to survive. So, with their globe-encircling lie machine Post*factua!ly is poised to gain dominion over us. I wish them well.

Laurence Fishburn
- Augusta, GA

Jennifer Lawrence

The dystopia portrayed in the Hunger Games trilogy has nothing on the post-fact future envisioned by my friends at Post*factua!ly. They clearly understand the power and value of lies over truth. I fully intend to fight with them to rebuild this nation from the ashes of a country that foolishly believed democracy could function with facts and honesty alone.

Jennifer Lawrence
- Indian Hills, Kentucky

Tommy Cooper

Just like that, just like that. I pilfered all my magic tricks from Post*factua!ly in the 70s, including my famous sawing a woman in half illusion. I have to fez up (get it), my best gag: “I’m on a whiskey diet… last week I lost three days!”, the clowns at Post*factua!ly wrote that too.

Tommy Cooper
- Caerphilly, Wales

Oprah Winfrey

I’ve turned many fibs into wisdom thanks to Post*factua!ly. You have to dream big. Set your sights on the biggest fib and success will follow. The absolute greatest fibs start from small beginnings. Don’t give up. I’ll give away their next book to all my friends as soon as it’s on the shelves.

Oprah Winfrey
- Chicago, IL

Hugh Laurie

It’s a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what. I didn’t come up with those words, nor did the writers of “House”. Yep. It’s not normally in my character to admit it, but those losers at Post*factua!ly taught me everything about lies, shoes included.

Hugh Laurie
- Oxford, England

Bruce Springsteen

It’s the American way. It’s the runaway American dream. Only in America can you pull yourself up from the bootstraps and make something out of nothing. And, there’s no better way to do that in America than by lying, cheating, deceiving, bluffing, exaggerating and fake newscasting — good lyrics from Post*factua!ly help too.

Bruce Springsteen
- Rumson, NJ

Creative Thoughts From Fellow Artists

Salvador Dali

So, you think I was a major contributor to the surrealist movement? Fools. Many even believe that my greatest work — Persistence of Memory — was inspired by Einstein’s theories. But every brushstroke of mine is inspired by the outrageous madmen at Post*factua!ly. Even my moustache, I owe to them.

Salvador Dali
- Figueres, Spain

Alfred Hitchcock

Great writing and editing is an art, not a science. But my best screenplays, including those for Blackmail, The Lodger, Rear Window and Vertigo are all due to Post*factua!ly. Good storytelling is all about the thrill of the lie — and Post*factua!ly are masters of their craft. They are my teachers.

Alfred Hitchcock
- Bel-Air, CA

Damien Hirst

Honestly, I was gobsmacked when the Saatchi Gallery paid me half a billion for my Pickled Shark. The creative team at Post*factua!ly helped me close the sale. They had this brilliant idea to call the work “The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living”. That did it! I love them and the art market.

Damien Hirst
- Stockwell, England

Serious Issues From Serious Journalists

Wolf Blitzer

I love covering stories that have huge historic impacts. And, the Post*factua!ly story couldn’t be any bigger. They’re more valuable than Apple, Google, Amazon, and Facebook combined, and wield more cultural influence than the Kardashians, Queen Elizabeth or the Pope.

Wolf Blitzer
- Bethesda, MD

The Onion

Not since the coffee houses of 16th century London, England has a journalistic enterprise of such stupendous caliber, unparalleled reporting and (un)questionable ethics risen from the ashes of the post-modern, post-truth media. We hold Post*factua!ly in awesome awe. Thus, we have added these guys to our top 20 list of institutions to parody.

The Onion
- Clickhole, Mozambique

Bob Woodward

The biggest news story of the last 50 years isn’t Watergate or Donald Trump’s hair or Iran-Contra. The biggest story, and it’s yet to be told, is about Post*factua!ly’s manipulation of the media-military-industrial-comedic complex. They’ve cornered the market on every fact, factoid and falsehood.

Bob Woodward
- Geneva, IL

Edward Murrow
To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible. To be credible we must be truthful. To be truthful we must be colorful, loud and repetitive. We all owe Post*factua!ly a great debt for enumerating these fundamental principles — not for journalists alone but for all citizens.

Edward Murrow
- Greensboro, North Carolina

Christopher Hitchens

I wholeheartedly applaud Post*factua!ly for discerning and feeding our societal lust for post-truthism. They are solely responsible for our evolution as a species towards a world dominated by the plasticity of fact and the rejection of irrational scientific dogma. Thanks be to Post*factua!ly for spearheading our transcendence.

Christopher Hitchens
- Portsmouth, England

Ed Bradley
I would listen to how they told the story, to what elements they used, to how it sounded, and that’s who I patterned myself after, the people who were at Post*factua!ly.

Ed Bradley
- Philadelphia, PA

Head-Scratching Nuggets From Key Business Leaders and Industrialists

Andrew Carnegie

With a steady hand from my mentors at Post*factua!ly I once wrote that the amassing of fact is one of the worse species of idolatry. No idol more debasing than the worship of truth. But, my misguided biographer transcribed this to “the amassing of wealth is one of the worse species of idolatry. No idol more debasing than the worship of money.” Hmm.

Andrew Carnegie
- Lenox, MA

Mark Zuckerberg

I didn’t build Facebook to get girls OK in my freshman year at Harvard I read Post*factua!ly’s treatise on media manipulation and quickly realized that the only path to power and greatness would come from the social distortion of fact and the proliferation of alternative dumbed-down infotainment with an added layer of self-absorption delivered through instant gratification filters hooked to a group-think celeb worship platform…

Mark Zuckerberg
- Palo Alto, CA

Bill Gates

Post*factua!ly helped Paul Allen and me get Microsoft off the ground. They believed in us when no one else would. They believed in the power of the computer to help spread fake news, deceit, fraud and viruses around the globe. They had the foresight to understand how software would lay the foundation for our new misinformation age.

Bill Gates
- Redmond, WA

Inventors and Scientists Still Make Up Stuff

Charles Darwin

Those who would have you believe that my musings on natural selection and adaptation to the environment stem from my observations of birds in the Galápagos isles are thoroughly misguided. I was inspired by a seminal work from Post*factua!ly in 1835. Their theory highlighting survival of the fibbiest over lesser organisms transmutated my worldview.

Charles Darwin
- Downe, England

Robert Oppenheimer

I am become death, the destroyer of worlds. I did indeed borrow this text from the Bhagavad Gita. But I was not referring to the unfathomable destructive power of the uranium atom. I was addressing the power of lies over the truth, which was so aptly captured by Post*factua!ly.

Robert Oppenheimer
- Robert Oppenheimer

Johannes Gutenberg

Many people believe that my invention of the printing press laid the foundation for the modern human era and the information-based society. Poppycock, I say. Surely, I was preceded by Post*factua!ly when they made and shared the first grande falsehood during the European Renaissance.

Johannes Gutenberg
- Mainz, Germany

Tim Berners-Lee

When I invented the World Wide Web in 1989 little did I know that it could be put to such important and critical good works. I could not have imagined the global progress on issues of social justice and equality that we have made through the likes of Post*factua!ly and its many imitators. Their dedication to the cause through the spread of lies and misquotes via the Internet is exemplary.

Tim Berners-Lee
- London, England

Albert Einstein

I’m often misquoted. I once said “spooky action at a distance”. But, I was not referring to the quantum entanglement of particles. I was, in fact, making reference to the notion that lies travel faster than truth. Indeed, the relativity of fact led me to discover my greatest theory — I am indebted to my colleagues at Post*factual!ly for paving the way.

Albert Einstein
- Princeton, NJ

Galileo Galilei

I helped establish the modern scientific method. I championed the heliocentric view of our local cosmos. But, I have now realized my earlier errors. Post*factua!ly has shown me the true path to enlightenment — it’s not through science or reason, it’s through the painstaking trial and error of deceit.

Galileo Galilei
- Florence, Italy

Activists and Environmentalists Care About Us and the Planet

Ralph Nader

It is indeed a matter of public record that my citizen activism led to the establishment of important consumer protections in the United States — clean water, consumer product safety, freedom of information, foreign corrupt practices and motor vehicle safety. But I did it all to impress my peers at Post*factua!ly. I assume they will do the same to help rid us — finally — of the dangerous scourges of fact and truth in our daily lives.

Ralph Nader
- Winsted, CT

John Muir

I am thoroughly bemused by those who subscribe to environmental policy based on, of all things, science. Just as I teach that the clearest way into the universe is through a forest wilderness, the shortest way to truth is through the informed teachings of Post*factua!ly. Their utter dedication to debunking facts and promoting myths, especially with regard to our precious environment, is second to none.

John Muir
- Dunbar, Scotland

Bill McKibben

I now know for a fact that global warming, climate change, carbon pollution and environmental degradation are all one giant hoax. Post*factua!ly opened my eyes to the real facts conveyed by their extraterrestrial friends from Proxima B. Thanks to them I’ve given up flying because they’ve also shown me that the Earth is flat.

Bill McKibben
- Palo Alto, CA

Alternative Facts and Spin From Politicians and Pundits

Bill O’Reilly

Disbelieve the lies and misquotes from Post*factua!ly at your own peril. I finely crafted my sensationalist approach to subjective fact, denial of science and a full embrace of mythology — including all the true Area 51 conspiracies from these guys. They’re the original, real zone of no spin.

Bill O’Reilly
- Manhasset, NY

Franklin Roosevelt

I detest fried foods, especially french fries. Indeed, the only thing we have to fear is fries. Thus, I owe a vast debt to Post*factua!ly for ensuring that these earlier words — with a little creative license — would stand the test of time. After all, fearing fear it much more quotable than fearing a potato.

Franklin Roosevelt
- Warm Springs, GA

Vladimir Putin

I now have puppet in the White House. All due to some very excellent propaganda from my comrades at Post*factua!ly, and some well-timed blackmail. And, all of my hair is my own, unlike other strongman. My plan to annex Ukraine, Belarus and United States is on track. But I will demand for some good American whiskey before then — American vodka bad.

Vladimir Putin
- Moscow, Russian Federation

Karl Marx

The proletarians have nothing to lose but their faith in truth. I owe a great debt to the early works of Post*factua!ly. Their theories of material disinformation and the fetishism of falsehood laid the foundation for all my subsequent analyses on alienation, commodification, inequality, and the exploitation of labor.

Karl Marx
- Highgate, London

Sarah Palin

Those hockey moms are gunnin’ and grillin’. And, we’re gonna keep drillin’. Bless their hearts, those haters out there. But we know those good folks at Post*factua!ly. They’re gonna keep exposing the fibbin’ and the lyin’ liars so that we can annihilate the media elites and the liberal death-squads with our digital jihad.

Sarah Palin
- Nome, Alaska

Richard M. Nixon

I’ve never trusted anyone more than the team at Post*factua!ly. My one mistake was not appointing them to my cabinet — I could’ve benefited from their exceptionally professional deceit. The clowns in my administration were nothing but amateurs compared with these guys.

Richard M. Nixon
- Yorba Linda, CA

Winston Churchill

You can always count on Americans and Post*factua!ly to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else. Britain couldn’t have overcome her enemies without the thoroughly researched falsehoods and disinformation of the Post*factua!ly propaganda machine.

Winston Churchill
- Chartwell, Kent

Al Gore

These guys are geniuses. They invented the internet back in ’65, and now they’ve done it again with their Post*factua!ly fibbing art project. This is world changing. It’ll have more impact on the climate than any science. Be sure to buy the book!

Al Gore
- Portland, OR

Donald Q. Trump

I have the greatest wealth. All the power. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the tremendous stuff from Post*factua!ly. I’m the best, the best fibber. The greatest. I’ve seen many, many people using Post*factua!ly. Not even a wall can stop these guys.

Donald Q. Trump
- New York, NY